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Beemer

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Chicxulub [Dec. 4th, 2006|11:14 am]
Beemer
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I wrote a poem. Free verse. Science-fictional. I wrote it in November, but had other things to post about until now.

Chicxulub

After 80 million years
of Cretaceous glory
we arose
thumbed and aware
from among our feathered
brethren scaly beasts

A hundred thousand more
before
the spark caught fire
and we knew that
we knew

A dozen millenia
for us to write
our names
upon the world

A handful of centuries
to stare knowing
into the night

A single month
to see it come

And know that we were doomed

* * *

From halfway round the world
I saw the impact flash
reflected on the moon
a sudden dawn
to herald
coming darkness

And knew across the sea
a continent had died
in supersonic flame

The earth began to dance
and sway
a gentle glow suffused
the sky
from orbit molten glass
rained down
in iridescent glory

And as the waves bore up
as high as hills
to wipe us out of history

I stood beneath
their great green curl
beheld the death
of everything I knew

And all I could think was
beautiful
beautiful
beautiful
beautiful
beautiful...
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: zalena
2006-12-04 08:36 pm (UTC)
I really like it, thank you for sharing!

The way it is currently split makes it seem like two poems. I think it might be interesting to take out the doomed line and run the two parts together.

I'd also take out the first person until the end:

From halfway round the
world, the impact flash
reflected on the moon


and again near the end

Standing beneath their
great green curl


At which point you can revert to first person, (death of/everything I knew) or stick with the 'we' for an otherworldly feeling. (All we could think was beautiful...)

Several poems come to mind:
Robert Hass' Praise Something about a captain and a monster... it's not available online and public libraries tend to be skimpy on his work.
Gerard Manly Hopkins' God's Grandeur

It also kind of reminds me of one of Maynard's lyrics (by which no disrespect is meant. I like to say, "He's like William Blake reborn as a rock star." That has more to do with the feeling of possession both give me than by any similarity of their work.)

I dropped the ball on Nanowripo, but the usergroup is still up if you want to post to it.

I've been working on some new stuff too, but it's all hush-hush for now.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2006-12-04 09:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

I originally had the second half a little different, but I decided I liked it framed as one individual's personal experience, so I put it all in the first person.

I thought about NaNoWriPo, but isn't it supposed to be poems about November, not just written then?
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[User Picture]From: zalena
2006-12-04 09:17 pm (UTC)
I thought about NaNoWriPo, but isn't it supposed to be poems about November, not just written then?
Yes, but there's always room for growth.

BTW - I only realized after I sent the comment that the polite thing to do would be "I love your poem, may I make some comments?" instead of proceeding with commentary. I was feeling so enthusiastic, I didn't stop to think.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2006-12-04 09:36 pm (UTC)
*grin*

No problem! I saw your first sentence. I've done enough workshops to recognize a constructive critique as positive commentary. =)

Thanks for the thoughts.
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[User Picture]From: melted_snowball
2006-12-04 10:23 pm (UTC)
Poems about November?

Grey and cold and dark
Did I mention the weather?
I hate November.

I mean, really, what is there that is poetic about November?
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[User Picture]From: zalena
2006-12-04 10:29 pm (UTC)
Precisely. The world is full of negative November poems. The point of NaNoWriPo is to write positive poems about November. (It was also an antidote to NaNoWriMo. Who has time to write a novel in November? A poem is about all I can handle.) You can check out what we came up with last year. Beemer's is really lovely, it introduced the word 'zazen' to me.

http://community.livejournal.com/nanowripo/
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[User Picture]From: zalena
2006-12-04 10:35 pm (UTC)

November in poetry

The entry that started it all. See particularly Eleanor Farjeon's November, which is one of the harshest poems ever written about the month.

http://zalena.livejournal.com/243275.html
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[User Picture]From: melted_snowball
2006-12-04 11:29 pm (UTC)

Re: November in poetry

Wow. That is one of the most depressing November poems ever. OK, it's a classic reclaiming event. I wish you luck with it, though I will still despise the month.
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[User Picture]From: ocschwar
2006-12-05 02:35 am (UTC)
Axl Rose found something poetic about November.
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