I really like it, thank you for sharing!
The way it is currently split makes it seem like two poems. I think it might be interesting to take out the doomed line and run the two parts together.
I'd also take out the first person until the end:From halfway round the
world, the impact flash
reflected on the moon
and again near the endStanding beneath their
great green curl
At which point you can revert to first person, (death of/everything I knew) or stick with the 'we' for an otherworldly feeling. (All we could think was beautiful...)
Several poems come to mind:
Robert Hass' Praise
Something about a captain and a monster... it's not available online and public libraries tend to be skimpy on his work.Gerard Manly Hopkins' God's Grandeur
It also kind of reminds me of one of Maynard's lyrics (by which no disrespect is meant. I like to say, "He's like William Blake reborn as a rock star." That has more to do with the feeling of possession both give me than by any similarity of their work.)
I dropped the ball on Nanowripo, but the usergroup is still up if you want to post to it.
I've been working on some new stuff too, but it's all hush-hush for now.