July 19th, 2008

nega-beemer

D-War

The night before last Jerry warned me that he was about to watch a terrible movie, and popped Dragon Wars: D-War into the DVD player. (Yes, that's really what it's called. Because apparently one title just wasn't enough and they needed two.)

Now, let's be clear: this is not a good movie. But on the other hand, neither it is an awful movie. It's certainly nowhere near as bad as his coworkers claimed. They all said that it was so bad none of them could get through more than a half-hour of it, and of course, my schweetie takes this as a challenge, because that's the kind of monkey he is, and because he enjoys laughing at bad movies.

So again, it wasn't good. But it was perfectly adequate, and it definitely had its moments. There was a lot of well-done CGI, and a few little bits that were seriously funny. It may be that you need the context of the previous 40 minutes to fully appreciate it, but one scene had us howling with laughter.

Fortunately, someone has put the whole damn movie up on YouTube in 10-minute increment, so I can share it with you. It's roughly the first two minutes of this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cCwvXYGt0Q

(Later on someone asks "What happened to [the black guy's character]?" and the main character answers "Oh, I'm sure he's fine.")

And unlike the truly hideously awful Dungeons and Dragons movie, D-War didn't bore me. It may have been stupid, but at least it wasn't dull. During the big fight between the dragons and the helicopters, did we get sentimental music and "oh, no, they're all dying" schmaltz? No we did not. We got fleeing pedestrians and exploding buses. Which is MUCH better.

In fact, I think my primary complaint was the lack of cursing. Far too many characters reacted with disbelief or indifference to El Snake-O Gigantico, rather than screaming "Holy f*ck! It's a giant f*cking snake! Sweet Zombie Jesus, RUN FOR IT!"...
WTF?

Domestic Complications of Myopia

If everyone in the household is nearsighted to a significant degree, then nobody can really see anything while they're in the shower, because they're not wearing their contacts or glasses.

Corollary: this means that certain types of low-contrast skunge can build up to a rather alarming degree in the shower area, because they're invisible when you're actually taking a shower, and when you can see them, you're never in a position to be looking at them.

This is especially true if the skunge just looks like hard water deposits when it's all dried out, but absorbs water and turns into, like, transparent goo when it's wet.

Invisible, that is, until someone decides to wear their contacts in the shower one day, say so they can shave or something.

Ew.