July 31st, 2015

Grr! Sunglasses!

Emotional Labor: GO READ THIS

http://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor

So there's a really, REALLY interesting thread over on Metafilter about emotional labor and the fact that our culture says that it's a female thing that doesn't have value but that all women should do it for free and men shouldn't do it at all.

I would say it's not just interesting, it's also important if you care even remotely about things like fairness, equality, interacting with humans who have gender, and not having relationships unexpectedly implode after a couple decades.

Go read it. I implore you. Seriously. Please read this. This is something that everybody should know and understand about how the world works. (You don't have to read the whole thing; it's mammoth. I've been reading for days and am only about 2/3 of the way through. But read enough to understand what's going on. (Maybe skip over the bits about birthday cards near the beginning, which are mostly an attempted derail.))

Two important offshoots:
Here's a checklist to evaluate your emotional labor skills:
http://ask.metafilter.com/283189/Emotional-Labor-Checklist-Self-Assessment

And this comment:
http://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor#6133358
Protip for the guys asking how to start picking up the emotional labour in your heterosexual relationships: talk to your gay male friends. We simply don't have the privilege of offloading our emotional labour onto women, so we have to figure it out for ourselves. So, ask your gay friends how they do it. This has the double effect of 1) learning, and 2) not making it a woman's job to tell you how to contribute your fair share.

So this is me officially volunteering: we're pretty good at valuing and splitting the emotional labor in our relationship. If anybody has questions about how we manage various issues, I will be happy to answer them.

(Hat-tip to siderea, whose post about it has a bunch of highlights quoted in the comments.)