|Mopey emo poem is mopey and emo
||[Jan. 5th, 2010|05:53 pm]
I would like to report
in the current version
of the universe:
The day is too short
and time runs too fast
The world is too small to hold us
but there's still too much of it
Winter is too cold
entropy too strong
and the stars are too far away
You can't hold hands
It's hard to write good poetry
when happy and content
and sometimes words
are not enough
These issues need to be addressed
as urgently as possible,
but definitely before
the next major release
Beemer, you know I am a big fan of your poetry. Huzzah! You didn't even have to brutalize November to make it work. Where are you on the countdown?
I think you should shorten it into a haiku, or into a series of haiku in honor of your upcoming trip.
Also, I think it needs a turn around, see the last couplet in Sonnet 29
for the kind of thing I mean:For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
But far be it from me to change a word of mopey or emo, especially when I've been such a sad sap, myself.
Thanks, Sarah. Eleven days!
I know what you mean about a turn, and kind of had one in mind while I was composing, but the rest of the poem had too much momentum, so I ended up with just a... a side-step, instead.