||[Mar. 28th, 2011|06:35 am]
why Joe Random Hetero Gamer might find that uncomfortable enough to complain about:With regard to the whole Dragon Age II thing where some gamer was complaining about being hit on by a male NPC, and a developer said (awesomely), "get over it", I thought this was a very interesting analysis as to |
Boys don't know how to say no (to sex)
Huh. Intellectually, looking at it from the outside as a puzzle having nothing to do with me or anybody I know, that makes a lot of sense and seems to fit a lot of data in a way that nothing else quite seems to do. Intuitively, it makes no sense at all and feels like it was written by an alien who was given some data about humans (by which I of course mean Americans) but has never actually observed any, let alone been one.
Which tells me nothing about its accuracy, but is interesting.
If you're motivated at some point to express what was alien (or alienating) about the author's perspective, I'd be interested.
Not alienating, or even alien... it just doesn't seem to describe any aspect of my experience with which I'm consciously in touch. I think of saying no as primarily an assertiveness thing, and the idea that boys as a category would have in any sense a harder time being assertive than girls do is kind of mind-boggling. Yet, as I said, the logic holds together and fits (at least some subset of) the facts, so I'm not dismissing it out of hand.
That was pretty awesome. Thanks for the link.
(Well, the bit where he said "the women in the audience are nodding" felt a little off--I think "laughing like crazy" would be closer.)
Or trying very hard not to shout HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, BUSTER??? HUH???
Somewhere in there is a thread about parents (maybe just fathers?) who never allow even a polite "no" as an answer, and how that feeds into the general cultural expectations of boys' behaviours. There's probably lots about how it also feeds into girls' behaviours, too, but I'm not as in tune to that.
I have an ongoing laboratory of sorts in this regard: I'm in a rock band with a straight guy who has very good progressive social politics in general, and pretty darned good feminist/queer-friendly politics. And he likes attention. So when the two gay guys in the band flirt with him, he enjoys it ... mostly. But there are times when you can see the wheels turning in his mind: "Oh. This is what it's like to get a little more attention from a guy than I'm used to." "Oh, this might be what it's like for a woman to be come on to a little too hard."
We make sure to check in with him occasionally. He's outnumbered ... and less prepared than the average human being (i.e. women, gay guys, and other 'minorities') to deal with it.) Whereas Eric and I are dirty, dirty old men with a lot of experience negotiating consent ... not to mention the privilege and entitlement that comes with being, okay, gay, but also male and white.
It's a really interesting and thought-provoking perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah, I felt... wiser, I guess, after reading it. Glad you enjoyed it!
Interesting idea. I like it. Stuff to ponder.