Beemer (dr_tectonic) wrote,

Sabaton, by the numbers

I went to my second Sabaton concert tonight. Herewith, a numerical summary.

Door time: 7 pm

Start of show time: 8 pm

Time I actually showed up: 8:30-ish

Songs I had to endure by the local black metal crust-core band opening for Sabaton, which I'm sure was fine for what it is but was so very not my thing: 1.5

Wait time between bands, during which I started entertaining myself by counting things, in minutes: 35 or 40

Duration of Sabaton's set, in minutes: 75-ish

Ticket price, in dollars: 22

Discount for paying cash, in dollars: 2

My sense of satisfaction at having remembered to bring cash, in hedons: several

Shows on Sabaton's current U.S. tour before this one: 1, reportedly

Guesstimated audience size: a little shy of 100

Approximate auditory equivalent audience size, according to front man Joakim's stage patter: 2000. (We were an enthusiastic bunch.)

Fraction of female audience members: 15%-ish

Fraction of audience wearing Sabaton concert t-shirts: 45%

Fraction of audience wearing non-Sabaton concert t-shirts: 35%

Number of shirts that were not black: 6 (I was not one of them!)

Estimated median audience member age: late 20s

Fraction of male audience with shoulder-length or longer hair: 40%

Fraction of male audience with short hair: 40%

Fraction of male audience with no hair: 5%

Mohawks: 1

Average mohawk height, in inches: 4

Average mohawk width, in millimeters: 0.5 (It was very well-constructed and fin-like.)

Time Sabaton took the stage: 9:15 pm

Bottles of water cached around the stage at the beginning of the show: 15

Maximum distance from me to closest member of the band, averaged over the entire show, in feet: 3.5. (I was right up against the stage at the front of the pit. When Joakim said he had goosebumps? I could tell he was not lying.)

Ranking of previous statistic in reasons why I am now a big fan of seeing moderately-popular acts in small venues: 1

Average height of mosh pit: about 3 inches shorter than me in boots

Tiny little women in the pit: 3. Seriously, they were very small. But they rocked just as hard as the rest of us. \m/

Number of songs where people in the "pit" were actually moshing: 1

Fraction of cute members of the original lineup who are still in the band after the recent retirement of a bunch of bandmembers: 100%

Fraction of new bandmembers who are actually kinda hot: 33%

Fraction of resulting new lineup that makes for good eye-candy: 60%

Cute guys at the venue in general: about a dozen

Number of smokin' hot guys that were bouncers or other Bluebird staff members: like, 4. What's up with that?

Number of ribs visible through the shirt of the new drummer, who, like all drummers, is really skinny: 6 or 7.

Gears on lead singer's new steampunky metal chest-plate vest thingy: 34

Functional nerve endings left in lead singer's right thigh: zero. (He pounds his fist against it while singing. Hard. A LOT.)

Average distance between lead singer's center of mass and the floor, averaged over the entire show, in inches: about 18. Dude likes his tiger stance, is what I'm sayin'.

Number of times that he couldn't get through whatever between-song commentary he had intended because the crowd would start chanting Sa-Ba-Ton! and he would crack up because it delighted him so: almost all of them.

Songs I could actually remember the lyrics well enough to sing along coherently with for anything but the chorus: like, 2

Songs I sang along with anyway: all of them

Amount of time the bass player (Pär) spent grinning and looking totally blissed-out, even while thrashing out heavy bass lines: 99.7%

Songs they played with lyrics that are mostly the names of other metal bands that are actually about Joakim's penis: 0 (That's "Metal Machine", which they did not play.)

Songs they played with lyrics that are mostly the names of other metal bands that are NOT about Joakim's penis: 1 (He told us so.)

Total references to other metal bands in the lyrics to "Metal Crüe" (which is what they did play): 35

Total wordcount for the lyrics to "Metal Crüe": 108

Logical coherency of lyrics to "Metal Crüe": 3%

Predictable complaints about Jesus Christ, you people have no oxygen up here, how the hell do you do it? 1

Justifiability of aforementioned complaint: 100%

Songs from forthcoming album: 1

Encores: 1

Number of pills I have taken in hopes that my neck will not be super-sore tomorrow: 4 (2 ibuprofen, 2 acetaminophen)

Net satisfaction level: 100%

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