?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Hello, My Name Is Norm - The Mad Schemes of Dr. Tectonic [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Beemer

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Hello, My Name Is Norm [Nov. 5th, 2012|11:23 pm]
Beemer
I am quite fond of elephant jokes.

I'm a fan of absurdist humor in general, but elephant jokes have a special place in my heart funny bone. I have a little book of them that I've had since I was a kid, and back in the day, I had a file with a whole bunch of elephant jokes in it, and a separate file with all the punchlines, and whenever I sent an email, I had a little program that would select a random joke, and then select a separate random punchline, and add them to my message as a signature.

A proper elephant joke takes the form of a question and answer, viz:
Why do elephants eat peanuts?
Because they are saltier than prunes.

Often they come in sequence, with a kind of internal logic and structure.
How many elephants are there on a Nurndy team?
Eleven. Two borks, six forwards, two wopplers, and a goalie.

Why are elephants so much better at Nurndy than humans?
Because they wopple better.


So.

As I have mentioned elsewhere, I dyed my hair purple a week ago. It was starting to fade, so I recolored it yesterday, and it looks pretty good. I also managed to get some decent pictures of it today.

Which means I can finally share with you my Halloween costume.

But in order to do so, I will have to tell you a few jokes, because the costume is conceptual in nature.

Thus:

Why are elephants colored gray?
[Answer]So you can tell them from canaries.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
[Answer]"Here come the elephants over the hill."

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing dark glasses?
[Answer]Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
[Answer]Grapes are purple.

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
[Answer]"Ooo, look at all those grapes!" (She was colorblind.)

How do you tell an elephant from a grape if you're colorblind?
[Answer]Jump around on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.

This is my Halloween costume. What am I?
[Click for purple hair!]
[Answer]I'm an elephant... in disguise!

How can you tell?
[Answer]Because I look nothing whatsoever like an elephant!
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: zalena
2012-11-06 01:41 pm (UTC)
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: chaosqueen42
2012-11-06 01:58 pm (UTC)

you left out my two favorites

I don't know how to hide the answers (at least not before coffee), so scroll slowly.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?





Elephant grape sine theta




What do you get when you cross and elephant and a mountain climber?






Nothing. The mountain climber is a scalar.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: goddessdster
2012-11-06 03:53 pm (UTC)
I've obviously missed something essential in my childhood, because I didn't even know elephant jokes were a thing.

Though I did guess your costume correctly. \o/
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nitasee
2012-11-06 04:22 pm (UTC)
Because I look nothing whatsoever like an elephant!

Indisputable logic sir!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: derbiser
2012-11-06 04:45 pm (UTC)
Elephant jokes make me so very happy, as does your costume! YAY!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: k8cre8
2012-11-06 06:40 pm (UTC)
Your post made me realize that my nephews, being homeschooled, will not be naturally exposed to the body of oral lore maintained by children, i.e. elephant jokes and the like. So, I suspect Aunt Kate might have to rectify that... :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: allanh
2012-11-06 06:47 pm (UTC)
Because I am *always* in a naughty frame of mind...

This is my Halloween costume. What am I?
HAWT.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: thetarnishedowl
2012-11-07 01:43 am (UTC)
You are adorkable.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: putzmeisterbear
2012-11-07 02:44 am (UTC)
The one that comes to mind first for me is really bad.

What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep.



I feel like I'm 11 years old now.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: musikub
2012-11-07 11:15 pm (UTC)
Surprised you didn't use an elephant icon...
(Reply) (Thread)
From: detailbear
2012-11-09 05:23 am (UTC)
How can you tell that an elephant has been in the refrigerator?






You can see their footprints in the butter.

And the classic...

How do you get down off an elephant?





You don't get down off an elephant, you get down off a duck.

So, how do you get down off a duck?





Use s teeny-weeny little ladder!

Edited at 2012-11-09 05:25 am (UTC)
(Reply) (Thread)