Beemer (dr_tectonic) wrote,

Semper ubi sub ubi

From now on, Martin Luther King day may be "Pants Day" on my calendar.

Since I had run out of pants (having only about four pairs that actually fit, two of which developed really, um, unfortunate holes in the last week or so), today I went out shopping and bought new pants. I found four pairs of jeans, as well as a nice pair of cargo pants that fit really well that I unfortunately couldn't buy because they had extra-roomy rear pockets that could probably hold, literally, a stack of 3 or 4 CDs and sadly made them look really dorky from behind. (I also sat in my car outside of Subway for about an hour and worked on my Space Bugs board game, but that's another story.)

But, more importantly! I found underwear that fits!

I have also been gradually running out of underwear. When I went to buy some recently, I discovered a dilemma. My waist is much too big to wear size Medium undies comfortably -- I have about a 38-inch waist at the moment, cuz I'm all fat from winter and lazy. However, if I get size Large, the waistband is comfortable but the butt is all droopy and way too big. Like, handfuls of loose material hang down behind, and this is not comfy in the least. So neither of the size options was working for me.

"Jeez," I'm thinking, "they really need to have two sizes on underwear: waist size and ass size." And today, while I was in the store, I suddenly realized: they do!

It's just that it's in code! Now, I don't know about you, but there's only one place on my body to put a waistband: below the gut and at the top of the buns. Girls seem to have more options, but for guys I think there's really only one spot for your belt. So I'm lookin' at the underwear selection and the whole "low-rise" thing was puzzling me. And that's when it hit me: you can't pull your underwear higher if your butt is using up all the fabric!

Thus, the code is broken! "Normal" means "fat ass". "Mid rise" means "round ass". "Low rise" means "normal ass". (At first I was going to say mid=normal and low=small, but there is no way that my butt is small.) "Bikini" means "flat ass" or "cowboy butt", I assume. Logic tells me that this is likely only true for the larger waist sizes (do smaller underwear sizes really fit the average guy so poorly?), but I really don't care because my new underwear fit! Hooray!

And if that's TMI, you have only yourself to blame for looking behind the cut.</b>

I haven't posted much in my own journal lately, but there's been lots of discussion over in stowellian's. And I'm going to start up a crash course in evolution on cushing312 soon (hopefully tomorrow). Ghostwalk Saturday was good. Doing lots of nothing yesterday was also. As for today: paaaaaaaants!

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