Beemer (dr_tectonic) wrote,
Beemer
dr_tectonic

Insomnia, Procrastination, Star Wars, Buddhism

It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because my throat hurts. Can't get at the owie spots with lidocaine; can't take more ibuprofen yet -- it hasn't been 4 hours yet, and I've got heartburn, which might be first signs of overdoing it with the advil.

Today I filed away a huge number of emails from my inbox. Go me! One thing I noticed, going through them, is that there were a whole bunch of LJ threads that I meant to comment on that I never got to. My apologies to everyone (especially drdeleto) that I never responded to; at a certain point, I just... run out of steam for debate.

We had a lovely running landspeeder battle in Jeff's Star Wars game this evening. Lots of fun, but I overdid it a little and was just wrung out by the end. The problem with not eating anything for several days is that I'm functioning just fine, but I don't have any reserves. I had a coughing fit in the car on the way home and almost burst into tears about it, because I just couldn't cope. But everything was much, much better once I came home and snuggled with Jerry for a few minutes.

Buddhism holds that desire is the root of all suffering. This is a dumb idea. It's the root of some suffering, sure, but I'm not currently awake with a sore throat because of an unfulfilled desire. It's because things aren't working the way they're supposed to. My body is using pain as a signal that something is wrong. Likewise, hunger pangs aren't the signs of an unseemly desire to feast, it's because you don't have enough goddam food. Pining for a Lexus? Suffering caused by desire. Miserable because it's too cold, even though you're sleeping on a steam grate? Suffering caused by not having adequate shelter. The former can be alleviated by letting go of the desire; the latter cannot.

And I think that I have run out of coherency now.
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