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[Jun. 9th, 2016|10:25 am]
So now that it's legal, after fifteen years together, Monkey & I have decided it's finally time to get married, and have started planning a wedding. We're thinking around a year from now, plus or minus a couple months.

I mean, we've actually been planning to do it for a long time, but now it's moving from "someday" to "okay, so next year?" And now that we've mentioned it publicly, I guess we're kinda committed!

So far, we've just been collecting ideas and advice and have started compiling a guest list. (Which is slightly daunting in length. We know a LOT of people, it turns out.)

So yeah, if you've had a wedding and have thoughts or advice, we're all ears!

Not a lot else going on. Went to the first pool party of the summer last Sunday. I brought quiche, because it's good brunch food. I made two, and they turned out well. I believe the keys are (1) lots of half-and-half and (2) make it the night before, so it has time to set up well.

Oh, and also, a while back Joe Z pointed me at the call for applications for members of the city's new Inclusivity Board and said "hey, you should apply for this! We need smart people like you involved with stuff like this." So I did, and I was accepted, and last night was the first meeting. I think, despite being a large committee, that it'll be good; it seems like a good collection of interesting people. I am kinda the odd man out in terms of being the only one who's not in or from a social / people-focused position, so my analytic techie brain may be the special thing that I bring to the table. We'll see where it goes!

[User Picture]From: x10
2016-06-09 06:24 pm (UTC)
I ended up planning about 90% of our wedding and can give a lot of advice as needed. Probably more responsive on FB than here... sadly.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2016-06-10 03:43 am (UTC)
Definitely keeping it simple. Also plenty of literal kissing. :)
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[User Picture]From: siderea
2016-06-10 03:19 am (UTC)
Yay! Congrats!

So far, we've just been collecting ideas and advice

ELOPE. ELOPE NOW AND SAVE YOURSELVES. Never stage manage your own wedding; have someone other than you or your intended who is the while-its-happening-event-runner, loyal to you two and your vision of how things should go, and to whom all the retainers (caterer, baker, music, photog, etc) have been introduced and know to deal with. Ideally, this person should be approachable, but terrifying.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2016-06-10 03:46 am (UTC)
Too late!

Ooo, that's a good tip! "Approachable but terrifying." Nice characterization.
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[User Picture]From: siderea
2016-06-10 04:08 am (UTC)
More advice:

Now, before you've done anything further – hopefully before you've extended invitations/requests to people to be in the wedding party, or decided you don't want anybody else in the wedding party – you and Monkey should spend a little time googling "Best man responsibilities" and "Maid of honor responsibilities".

Because here's a thing many people don't know about the traditional straight marriage roles: they traditionally come with responsibilities. Some people know about the public-facing ones – the Best Man gives the toast to the newlyweds, the Maid of Honor holds the wedding shower, e.g. – but many have no idea that, e.g. traditionally it's the Best Man's responsibility to collect the rental tuxes from the wedding party and return them to the rental company.

There's infinite helpful wedding planning/etiquette sites that will provide you various disagreeing lists of these sorts of things. You will probably find them highly informative.

First and foremost because they're basically lists of chores somebody is going to have to do. You could make something of a to-do list from them. It's not the big to-do list of planning the wedding, like "Pick a venue". It's the little logistical details and support functions. So they're lists of tasks that can be delegated. Which itself can be incredibly useful information.

Second, some of the items on the lists won't be of interest or won't pertain (if the wedding party is skyclad, nobody's returning rental tuxes). But the list may be usefully thought-provoking about what you do want.

Thirdly, and maybe most important, after reviewing a bunch of ideas about what the traditional roles of Best Man, Maid of Honor, etc. entail, you and your Monkey will be in a better position to decide whether you want to have those sorts of roles, and if you do (and I suspect you might) then you'll be better able to communicate to any people you invite into those roles just what you are asking them to do for you. Things like, "We expect you to go tux shopping with us. We'd appreciate if you could join us for cake tastings. You'd need to attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Etc."

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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2016-06-10 05:05 am (UTC)
I've gotten some good pieces of advice about delegating chores (like: limit the number of things each volunteer is responsible for), but I had not thought to go looking for lists of the chores that will need delegating. Thanks!

I am eagerly awaiting my copy of Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding, which I hope will also be a good source for such lists.

(It's currently looking like the wedding party is going to be... large. So hopefully there will be plenty of bodies to spread the support functions across.)
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From: detailbear
2016-06-10 03:30 am (UTC)
Great Googly Congratulations!
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2016-06-10 03:43 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D
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[User Picture]From: dcseain
2016-06-10 04:56 am (UTC)
Mazel tov! I'm very happy to hear this news, but have nothing to contribute as to advice.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2016-06-10 05:06 am (UTC)
Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: kybearfuzz
2016-06-11 01:05 pm (UTC)
Congrats! I have nothing to offer in way of advice, but it sounds exciting! :)
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From: toosuto
2016-06-11 04:26 pm (UTC)
Hooray! The two D's: Delegation and Do What You Want!
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