Which sucks. That's basically my emotional reaction: "Dammit! That sucks!" We weren't terribly close, but we lived in the same house for a year, and there was a lot of shared background and communal identity. He was basically family.
A lot of other people have been sharing memories of him, and I think that's one of the really nice things about this new cyber-age of always being in touch via email and livejournal and what-all: it lets us share the event. Makes it more real. Gives us people to be together with and know we're not alone. Reminds us of our distant tribe members who are still here. Strengthens our remaining ties.
I don't have any specific memories to share. I mean, I have a really strong sense of him as a person, and I can conjure him up in my mind, but I can't really describe him to you. And I don't really have any particular moments that stand out. Just his presence. I think my mind remembers patterns better than it does events.
The sky is grey and cold today. There's a front moving in -- this morning on the drive in, the clouds were crashing like a great, chill wave over the mountains, dropping winter on us. It matches my mood: a little sad, sort of dull, mostly just kind of morose. A great sigh covering the world for a few days.
I realized: I know a lot of people. This will happen again.
Also: this shared mental space we have on livejournal, it kind of demands that you share your reactions when big things happen. When everyone else is speaking, in turn, I feel I must speak, too. That's kind of scary, but I think, on the whole, it's a good thing. See the above about sharing and memories.
And: it makes me feel better to see other, unaffected people being happy in their journals. Life moves on apace, and it's kind comforting to have evidence of that. So thanks to everybody who shares of themselves on LJ; it's good to know you're there and being you.